zarathustra

The last couple of weeks have been fairly horrible. Work has been very, very stressful. It all began with a pay dispute that caused me to lose sleep for two days (and comfort eat into oblivion…) but thankfully the mess has been sorted and I don’t owe anyone a three-figure sum of money - as if I had any spare. With that sorted, I had to organise a new sales plan, which I’d never done before on my own as I’ve only been there six months, so a job that should have taken several hours has taken several days - and again, caused me to lose sleep purely out of worry. If a task is left unfinished it drives me totally mad, and on this occasion it interrupted my dreams and even made me wake up in the middle of the night worrying about the stockroom. On Monday I really pushed myself to get the bulk of it done, and I’ve almost succeeded, just a few loose ends to tie up now I think. But today is Wednesday. And there’s another sales plan, though this time round it’s much more straightforward, so I’m nowhere near as worried and I’m feeling quite optimistic - I should be able to get it done within a couple of hours. And if I can declare everything complete by eight o’clock tonight, I can finally put my feet up, relax, and enjoy the evening visiting my mum. I don’t think I’ve managed to switch my brain off for the past fortnight, and I’m exhausted.

Crucially, I need to get back to my 1300 allowance. Anxiety sends my appetite into overdrive. I wish was one of those worriers who lost all desire to eat, at least then my hard work wouldn’t be undone. There’s no point dwelling on all the chocolate and junk food I’ve scoffed over the past two weeks because it’s in the past and there’s nothing I can do about it. I just have to forgive myself and move forward. I sat down with my boyfriend last night to talk about this, and we’ve decided to devise a weekly menu. Two days fish, two days white meat, two days salad, one day read meat, and on weekends he’s offered to get up early with me so he can prepare breakfast while I get ready (which I thought was incredibly sweet of him). My biggest problem is lunches at work though. They discontinued my favourite prawn and noodle salad (which had less than 290 calories, and tasted fabulous) and keep stocking creamy pasta stuff, which I don’t like much anyway. I don’t like water - I can tolerate tap, but it’s not refreshing - so I always choose some kind of juice, usually Ribena, but it’s full of calories. Ok, I could go for the light version but the taste of aspartame is overpowering and it makes me feel sick. I know, this sounds like excuse after excuse. So from now on I’m going to take a can of soup (or canned fish), a piece of fruit and my own drink with me to work. It’ll save me money and excess calories.

 Long story short: it’s time to get back on track!