zarathustra

Typical!! Mere days after I sign up for BuddySlim, my house was broken into and my laptop stolen. Brilliant. Utterly brilliant. However, internet deprivation has not been my excuse for Cherry Coke and Krispy Kremes. Knowing that someone made the effort to [successfully] violate my privacy and make off with my stuff is both immensely frustrating and upsetting. There was nothing important on my laptop, but it was my laptop. Either way, I responded to such an event by pigging out. And I feel disgusting. I’m at the point where I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and my clothes serve no purpose except to camouflage rolls of fat.

I hate being the size I am because everyone at work is slimmer than me, so I feel like the porker of the lot. The same goes for uni, and I’d love to slim down even if it’s just to make my rival jealous. It’s very petty and childish but she’s a snotty cow who has always been rude to me.

 Well, there’s nothing I can do about thieves. I’ve told the police everything I know, SOCO have searched the house twice for fingerprints (although it transpires the offenders wore gloves), and local CCTV is being scanned for clues. I’ll be applying anti-climb paint and barbed wire to the fence, installing a security light and installing tracking devices on all future laptops. What else can I do? And is there any point in beating myself up about it with food? No. Self sabotage isn’t going to get me anywhere.

 On a lighter note, I passed the second year of uni

A mode I’m permanently stuck in. I’ve got a hula hoop I rarely use, though I love it when I get going, and a skipping rope I bought for a tenner on Amazon and have never ventured outside with. I’ve got exercise DVDs and diet books, all kinds of weight loss websites stacked up in my browser history, and yesterday I didn’t say no to a Big Mac. With my finances I am focused and disciplined. For weeks I tortured myself with a Louis Vuitton purse and almost parted way with £435 just to own one (ridiculous, I know), but told myself ‘no’. And I feel better for it. I’m frequently told I should treat myself more often, but I’d rather go without a new pair of shoes than a roof over my head. Rent and bills take priority. Why can’t I be that responsible with my health instead of scoffing burgers and cake? The majority of my weight rests on my waist, and from everything I’ve read us ‘apple shaped’ people are more at risk of heart problems. Why doesn’t that motivate me?

 Hmm.

 I think today I’ll make a conscious effort to do something.